On a cold night in Compton, Ca, I sat in the driver's seat of my car listening to the new "The Dream" CD, as I applied a final coat of red lip gloss to my full lips, dabbed two drops of perfume on my chocolate neck, and did a final glance with my slanted eyes into the mirror to make sure my long jet black hair was flawless. I extended my slender arm to the passenger seat, grabbed my sidekick and sent a text to my boyfriend of three weeks, Ricky, who was waiting for my arrival.
"Babe, I'm outside," my text read.
I anxiously waited to see his front door open and when it did, I got butterflies in my stomach. He stepped out wearing a crisp white tee that seemed to glow against his jet black skin, which was hanging over a dark blue pair of straight legged jeans that slightly sagged with a studded belt, his feet were covered with a size 14 pair of all white Nike SB's. He stood far above most because he was 6 feet 6 inches tall. One would have thought he played basketball, but he was on a skateboarding team called, Compton Classics. He had ruby stud in his left ear that sat right below his head that although shaven on the side, he sported a Mohawk haircut. When he bent down to open the car door he lightly bite down on his bottom full lip and it sent shivers up my spine.
My parents thought I was going to my best friend Tanya's house to study for my AP Calculus final which was my original plan. But while on "Myspace", the plans changed. She cancelled because she was too tired from her soccer game and since Ricky and I had been going back and forth on public comments about how much we missed each other, he dared me to come and visit him. Now, 20 minutes later we are face to face.
"I can't believe it," Ricky said with a full smile on his face.
"You didn't think I would come over did you," I said with a smile that matched his.
"As strict as your parents are, I never would have imagined this."
"They think I'm studying with Tanya and I have exactly 90 minutes with you before I have to return home."
"That's sexy."
"What?"
"The sneaky side of you, I've never seen it."
"Keep living babe, there's more that you don't know."
"Do tell," he said as he adjusted his body to fully face me.
"No, why don't I show you," I said trying to sound confident although this type of talk was totally out of my character. I was naturally a good girl but for some reason when I got around him I wanted to be bad.
"Show me what?"
I then leaned over and gave him three kisses, one on his top lip, one on his bottom, and then I slowly slipped my tongue into the center of his mouth. That seemed to surprise him because when I finished he squinted his eyes and leaned back for a minute and just looked at me for a few seconds.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"What a minute, can I see some ID because this is not the "church" girl who I started dating three weeks ago? Who are you and what did you do with Alexis," he questioned in a jokingly way.
"Very funny, I don't know why I did that but I'm glad I did. Plus, it's about time we had our first real kiss."
"You are crazy and I ain't neva known a female like you!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"What 16 year old girl gets a boyfriend and doesn't kiss him for three weeks?"
"The kind that likes to take it slow with her first boyfriend. Just because you're used to messing with those fast girls doesn't mean that all the girls around are like that."
"Yeah, but you are different and I mean that in a good way. If I would have known you could kiss like that then I could have jacked you for a kiss a long time ago."
"You can't take a kiss from me. I would have slapped you silly."
"Yes, I can," he said right before he leaned into me, put his hand behind my long jet black hair to pull me closer, and then he kissed me. This time it was soft, slow, and much longer than the last one.
Fortunately his Grandmother was away at a church meeting, his street was dark, and no one could see us because if this ever got back to my parents I would be permanently grounded. One life sentence for lying and another for being with Ricky, a boy that my parents knew nothing about. It wasn't that I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend, but they would have first liked to have met him. They always said I could date when I was 16 but I didn't have the courage to bring him around yet.
As I backed up, I had to grasp for air because he was taking my breath away and the windows on the car were starting to fog up.
"Dang, if I would have known you kissed like that I may have done this a lot sooner," I said.
"I was trying to tell ya, but nooooo, you kept saying we had to take things slow."
"Well, I'm glad we waited because it seems like it's more special. I have never kissed a boy like that before."
"Like what?"
"With an open mouth."
"You kiss like you have experience. How did you know how to kiss?"
"I don't know, I thought I would be scared and nervous the first time, but it was just so natural."
"Alexis, can I ask you a question?"
"You can ask me anything, but I won't answer everything," I said jokingly.
"This is serious, are you ready?"
"I think I am," I responded starting to feel nervous because I wasn't sure where this conversation was heading.
"Do you think that it's possible for us to be falling in love?"
"Anything is possible, why do you ask that?"
"Because I don't know if I love you or if I'm falling in love with you because, girl you are on my mind all the time. I can't wait to see you, talk to you, text you, myspace you, and be with you. I look at your myspace profile and pictures all the time. Just walking around school holding your hand makes me feel like a king. I don't know there's just something different about you. I've never been this geeked up to be with a girl before."
"I feel the same about you and you know that you are my first boyfriend so all these feelings are new for me. I don't the difference right now between love or like. But whatever it is, it's real strong."
"Can I ask you another question?"
"Yep."
"Can I have another one?"
"Another what?"
"You know."
"Know what," I smiled and he smiled so bright that I got lost in his dimples.
"I'm sorry, I've been waiting to kiss you for three weeks and now that I've had two I want more. Can we stop talking and kiss again."
"Now don't be greedy, I can't give you all my kisses in one night because you might not come back for more."
"Please, I'm hooked, addicted, and already sprung on them. You can't tease a brotha with two and then hold back. Your kisses are now my drug, I need them real bad."
"Okay, since it's the first day we kissed I'll make up for the past three weeks. But I want you to know that it was really hard for me to resist these past weeks because when you smile those dimples drive me crazy," I said but he interrupted my conversation by putting his lips on mine. Our tongues danced around for like ten minutes straight. When we finished I could tell he was over excited as he tried to adjust his pants.
"You okay," I asked.
"I have never been better. I am so glad I dared you to come over. This is better than going to the skate park."
"Wow, what a comparison."
"You know I love to skate but now my board has some real competition. Being with you is supa dupa fresh."
"I could stay here and stare at your fine self all night but I need to be heading back now before I get in trouble."
"You said 90 minutes and it's been 80 so can we spend the next 10 minutes kissing."
"Only if you smile one more time because those dimples drive me crazy."
He smiled, we kissed, kissed and kissed some more. I really didn't want to stop but the fear of my father made me. I pulled away, he pulled me back, and after about three more minutes I had to stop him. The tingles that went through my body were new feelings that kind of scared me. There was an attraction towards him that made me question myself. I actually wanted to go a little further with him which was against all my Christian principals.
We said our goodbyes and before he got to his front door he was already texting me. I grabbed my phone and it read, "Babygrl u know u da 1 4 me, dem kisses were so sexi, thnkz 4 a good tym3, "love" ur babe."
After reading it, I paused before texting him back because he never said the "L" word in a text before so I wasn't sure how to respond but I did. Here's what I wrote, "Babi boi, if u love dem kisses and me then flash ur living room light 3 times when u get n the house and I'll know it iz true."
I sat in front of house and in less than a minute I saw the lights flash three times. I honked three times and drove off smiling. Our relationship was sealed with a kiss and now it was on the "love" status. It was weird because I used to make fun of my friends when they told a dude they loved them after barely going out with them. Now here I was flying high on cloud nine claiming love.
I drove faster than normal because I couldn't wait to get home to update my "myspace" mood because I know he would change his and I was curious if he would mention anything about love or kisses. We only lived 20 minutes apart so it wasn't long before I was popping open my Apple laptop with that had stickers all over it. While waiting for it to fully boot up, I sent a text the BFF A.K.A Bestie A.K.A Brittany. It read, "Brit, omg, u not gonna blieve it, just got back from chilln wit Ricky, and we did it!"
My phone vibrated within a two minutes at the same time that my computer was up and ready for "MySpace" sign in. Her text read, "PLZZZ tell me u didn't do "IT."
"yes, grl we did do it and I liked it…real talk!"
"u r not a virgin anymore!!!!!!!!!"
"no, silly grl, I kissed him, we didn't have sex, dang, wat u think imma skip all bases nd go 4 a homerun…heck naw I aint crazy or fast."
"i can exhale now, I thght u did the nasty…anyway can he kiss good."
"betta than I imagined…OMG u aint gonna believe diz."
"?????What?????"
"sign on 2 myspace quickly nd look at Ricky's mood update?"
"i can't my bipolar mom grounded me from da computer 4 a day cuz she came home in whack mood…what it say."
"it sayz…Ricky luvs hiz grl Alexis."
"no way, when did yall get on luv status?"
"2nite, that's rite the finest boi at Culver is in my bucket. Yeah boi!!!!"
"b careful cuz hiz last gf iz still cryin da blues ova him."
"thatz her…it aint goin down lyke tha wit me."
"b careful grl he got a bad rep wit da females."
"i got this, he betta b careful cuz I may break his fine heart nd put tears n dem dimples."
"hahahahah lol…grl u crazy…ttly 4 now."
"aight c u n da am at skool."
I stared at my computer, laid on back on my bed and smiled. I had to think what mood update I should post. It took me all of 30 seconds before I sat up and typed, "Best Nite Eva" for the status secton and "ily2" for the mood. After I hit enter, Ricky changed his again to say, "She got dem candy kisses…ily more!"
Then another status update flicked on the top of my computer from his ex whose one of my friends on myspace. It read, "No he didn't!" and she added a red mad face with the mood "hate um." I knew she was referring to Ricky and I felt bad for her but realized that she needed to move on because he was my man now, and I wasn't about to have no drama with her.
When I clicked my homepage, I had four comment approvals from my friends who were responding to the mood updates. Myspace was the quickest way to spread information so I knew that the entire school would know our status within the next hour. I was surprised a little when I read the comments, "call the pound, a dog bite Alexis" and "Run girl run, u playin wit fire" and "he gonna do u like he did Tasha, get the tissue box out" and the last one from Tasha which read, "u betta leave my ex alone!"
The only one I commented back on was Tasha but I didn't make it public, I put it in her inbox. I also deleted her comment because I knew all the nosey people would be viewing my profile daily to dig for gossip.
I wrote, "Hey Tasha, I don't got any beef wit u nd don't want no drama. I know u used 2 go out wit Ricky and u know that we go out now. He said that u guys r over so that's y I date him now. Can we be cool bout this cuz I'm cool wit u?"
She never responded back but changed her status to, "We ain't neva gonna b cool!" So I guess that was her response to me. So I realized that day that I had an enemy so I needed to watch my back. Tasha was a fighter who once beat up a girl in the bathroom stall at school. I was gonna have to go back to elementary and make sure I always had a friend with me when I used the restroom. Unlike her, I was college bound so I would never fight anyone because that's a permanent record and I wasn't about to have to try to explain myself on a college application next year.
Then I proceeded to check my facebook to see if he updated that status also. As soon as I signed on I saw his update, "oh babygirl Alexis, got me all sprung." I then commented his it by saying, "hahahaha…don't be greedy…insider."
He knew exactly what I was talking about and as I signed off my gadgets and thanked God for unlimited text messages, I began to respond to each of them. My friends were blowing up my cell phone because they read the updates online. All of them were warning me about Ricky, I just laughed and thought they were crazy because I was confident that he wouldn't treat me like this past girlfriends. Brittany's final text read, "don't say I didn't warn you!!!!!"
The Ex Files
After flat ironing my hair, I walked into the kitchen to be greeted by petite Japanese mother who looked full Asian but sounded 100% black and my black as the ace of spade father who looked like Michael Cooper former Laker player.
"Good morning little momma," my mom said with full energy as she took her last sip of coffee.
"Hey ma, where's my coffee?"
"You are already hyper enough and too short to drink coffee, you know it stunts the growth," my father stated. He did not believe that kids should drink coffee at all and my mother never allowed me to at least not in front of him.
"Love you too daddy."
"Then come give me a kiss."
"Ain't that much love in the world," I joked.
"Then I guess you don't want any gas or lunch money today."
I rushed over to him and kissed his cheeks like five times until he pushed me away, "Daddy did I tell you how nice you look today?"
"Girl, I'm tired of being used by a sixteen year old," he said as he pulled out his wallet and handed me three crisp twenty dollar bills. "Put forty in the tank and use the other twenty for lunch this week."
I took the money, kissed him one more time, dropped a kiss on my mom's cheek and headed out the door. It was going to be a scorching hot California day. The sun almost blinded me when I opened my front door. I pulled out my studded sun glasses, tossed my Spiderman back pack over my shoulder, and opened the door of my old white Honda Accord that I got from my grandmother who was the original owner.
Turned the ignition and was startled by my Beyonce CD that was blasting loud. I turned it down, began my journey towards Culver High which was a new charter school in Compton. I couldn't wait to get to school to see my friends because I knew they would mob me as soon as they saw me because of Ricky. I also wanted to see Ricky and hoped that we could find time to kiss again.
When I drove into the school parking lot, I parked and hustled onto the campus. Walking past security I was shocked to see Tasha standing by the flag pool talking to her friends. One of friends leaned into her and whispered in her ear before they all turned around and looked at me.
"Watch you lookin at," her friend Jasmine with the red, black, and blond braids boldly yelled out.
I just shook my head and kept my focus on my girls who were a few feet away from them sitting on a few benches. I tried in walk a little faster but was quickly stopped by a pull of my pony tail.
"Didn't you hear me talking to you Mrs. Ricky!" Jasmine yanked me and I almost fell.
"What the heck are you doing," I asked as I hit her hand away from my hair.
"Just checking to see if your hair is real or not, my bad," she said with a smirk on her face.
"You better not ever grab my hair like that again. I don't know what your problem is, but I will catch a case if you try that again."
"What you gonna use some karate on me Asian girl," she said acting like I was 100% Asian.
"You better back up or you will find out," I stated and everyone knew that I was a black belt. They didn't know that I was trained to never use my skills in this type of situation. My mom's brother owned a Karate studio and I used to even teach children classes there to help him out. When I was younger, I competed and won several trophies but I was not a street fighter.
My friends all started coming to back me up as Tasha entered the conversation. "Chill out Jazz, I will handle her and we'll see if Ricky likes the new face that I'm gonna give her."
"I told you last night that I don't want any drama with you. Ricky is your ex so I don't understand why you are hatin' on me."
"Because if you weren't around, Ricky and I would get back together."
"What do I have to do with that? Ricky broke up with you three months ago. I just got with him, three weeks ago. Why didn't you get back together before then?"
"We were talking about it until you came on the scene and stole him."
"I didn't steal him because he didn't belong to you and he didn't say anything about you and him getting back together."
"Did you ask him?"
"Yes, I asked him if you and him were completely over, he said from the time I broke up with her I ain't never looked back."
She reached into her back pack, grabbed a letter and threw it at me before she walked away. The bell rung a few seconds later and I told my friends I had to get to class. They tried to get me to open the paper in front of them but I knew better than that. I had no idea what it was but had a feeling it was the first piece of evidence that Tasha wanted me to have so she can break Ricky and I up. I got in my first period class and for 50 minutes I didn't hear a word that the teacher spoke because my mind was on the letter that was in my back pocket. I couldn't bring it out and read it because Mr. Ward would have confiscated it if he saw me reading a letter while he was lecturing the class. I actually wanted to get a bathroom pass to look at it but there was no way I was going to be caught in a bathroom in Compton by myself when I had Tasha and all her ghetto friends waiting for an opportunity to beat me up. I only had five minutes between periods and that time had to be used to get my Biology book out of my locker. Therefore, it was determined that I would have to wait until brunch to finally read it.
The bell rang and I rushed to my locker, changed books, and headed to my next class. While in that class I was bombarded with questions about Ricky. I acted like I didn't know what they were talking about and keep my eyes on the teacher.
"Alexis, is your team ready to present your project."
"Of course we are, Ms Jackson," one of my classmates interrupted.
Four of us headed to the front of the class and one of Ricky's friends, John tried to trip me as I walked by, "Oh sorry, Pretty Ricky," he said and the class laughed because everyone knew that as soon as I started dating Ricky, his friend gave me that nickname.
"You better watch your back," I said as I pushed his papers to the floor and when I noticed the teacher saw I quickly acted like it was an accident, "Oh, my bad, sorry about that."
"Alexis, can you please not disturb anyone else's papers and get up here quickly and present," the teacher demanded.
My group started to explain "Plant Life" in the form of a rap with a video playing on the screen that we made to support our rap. The class loved it and so did the teacher. They all clapped to the beat and I for a brief moment I forgot about the letter.
When it was all done, I thanked the class and as I went back to my seat, I whispered to John, "Hope your project is good because we just set the grading curve pretty high with that one."
"Whatever sweet lips," he said and I blushed because I realized that Ricky must have told him that we kissed.
"hahahaha, laugh now, cry later, I'm am going to whoop your butt for that one."
"Oh baby, keep talking dirty to me, you're turning me one" he laughed as he started singing the latest Hilson song called, "Turning Me On."
Although, he laughed I knew he was really flirting with me as he did every day. Ricky and him were childhood friends but I could break that up in a flash if I dated John who didn't care because he loved girls more than his boys. He was always making sexual remarks to me and I lust seemed to drip out of his eyes when he looked at me. A day didn't go by that he didn't tell me how pretty he thought I was.
"I'm telling Ricky."
"He already knows what I think about you so don't waste your breath."
A few more presentations and the bell rang. I headed straight for the attendance office so I could sit in there and read the letter without being interrupted. On my way there, Tasha saw me and rushed up to me.
"I told you he wanted me."
"What are you talking about?"
"You read it with your own eyes, he was making all kinds of plans with me. Did you notice the date at the top?"
"I haven't even read it yet."
"Whatever Alexis, you just watch your back!"
"Do whatever you want but I want you to know that I don't have a problem with you. If he wants you back or wanted you back than your beef is with him. Leave me out of this," I said and walked away back towards the office.
Once inside the office I took a look around to make sure no one was around that could disturb me and as people shuffled around I pulled out the letter, took a deep breath and began to read.
Dear Babe,
Hey, I am in my fourth period History class with one thing on my mind, all the history that we have. I know I told you that I don't wanna be with you no more but I think I made a mistake. I can't say for sure so I just wanna take things slowly with you again. I'm glad you came over last night and I can't even lie, after we messed around, I knew it wasn't really over and probably never will be. You know u always gonna be my grl and I gonna be yours, I'm just asking that you be patient with me while I get my grades together and stuff. Please don't walk away from me or get with someone else…I hope u will wait 4 me to get my life in order. If u don't then that's cool but always know that my heart beats 4 u.
Loving his girl…….Ricky 9/27/09
I sat in the office staring at the letter in shock. There was no doubt that he wrote it because I knew his writing. Not only that, he messaged me last night on myspace and ended with, "Loving his girl" so I now understood why Tasha was so upset although her anger really was directed at the wrong person. She should be made at him because he was the player not me. I'm just an innocent victim. The worst part of this letter is the date. Ricky and I made our relationship official on 9/25/09. So that means he cheated on me and lied about his feelings for Tasha.
After putting the puzzle pieces together I folded the letter, put it in my back pocket and headed out the office towards my next class. Thank God we had a sub teacher so I could sit there and figure out my next move. I was so disappointed and Brittany noticed my somber mood when I walked in the door and sat at my desk.
"Girl, you look like you just lost your best friend, what's wrong?"
"I'm furious right now," I stated as I tried to hold back the tears.
"What?"
"Remember Tasha this morning?"
"Yeah, she's just jealous so don't even worry about her."
"Well she handed me a letter that Ricky wrote to her."
"What did it say?"
I reached in my pocket and handed it to her. She started to read it when the teacher noticed. He immediately headed towards her and just as she finished the last sentence he said, "Passing notes in class, maybe you would like to share it with everyone?"
"No, please," she pleaded."
"I am so tired of students coming to class, looking at a sub teacher and thinking they can write notes and text all class. I'm not that kind of teacher and this class is about to learn a valuable lesson. If you ever have me as a sub again, know that I expect your full attention. If you pass a note, it will be read out loud. If you use your cell phone, I will take it and you will never get it back. So Miss Note let's see what the letter says. Who wants to hear it?"
The whole class chanted, "Read it, read it."
My heart raced, palms got sweaty, toe started tapping the floor, lump entered my throat, and I wanted to scream. Instead of screaming, I jumped up and almost knocked the teacher over as I grabbed the note. I quickly ripped it up and when I was done, the entire class looked frozen in shock. The teacher grabbed my shirt and was about to shove me. He was irate and he called me some terrible names. He realized quickly that had lost his composure and could also lose his career over this.
He let go of my shirt and said, "Do not leave this class when the bell rings, you stay after."
"Yes sir," I said out of fear.
He walked away and told the class to read two chapters to themselves and take notes. I could tell he was not able to teach and regretted his reaction as I regretted mine. When the class ended, I stayed and he walked over to my desk and I was worried that he was going to hurt me.
"What you did was unacceptable."
"I'm really sorry, I'm not a bad kid, I just made a terrible decision."
"Yes you did and you are so lucky that I did to. I'm sorry for grabbing your shirt. I am willing to drop this whole matter if you are."
"Yes sir, I'm really sorry and as far as I'm concerned it never happened."
He excused me and I exhaled as I left the room. He was most likely afraid that I would report this and he would be in more trouble than I would but one lesson you learn quickly in Compton is, "Don't ever be a snitch." He didn't have to worry about me or the 32 other students because someone could shoot your mother right in front of you and no one around here would ever tell who did it. This mess would be around the whole school but if an adult asked someone about it, they would never admit that they knew anything.
Brittany was nearby when I came out and she hurried towards me, "OMG, that was crazy, you are crazy, and that teacher was crazy. What the heck? I can't believe what happened in there!"
"Me either but I couldn't let that letter be read out loud."
"What did he say?"
"He said sorry and wanted to squash it and I agreed."
"Girl, that was the most exciting class with a sub that I ever had."
"Me too, but I'll never pull out a note again."
"Oh, I learned a lesson in there, not about Health but about passing notes. I will never get caught up in that again."
"Me either, but what do you think about that note?"
"I told you he was no good. He's been playing girls since we were in middle school. I don't know why you thought he was gonna be any different with you. Your fine and all that but a dog is dog."
"Yeah, you told me."
"What are you going to do?"
"Fire him of course."
"Oh snap, he's coming behind you."
My heart started racing and I saw Tasha and her crew bunched up nearby looking over at us.
"Hey Candy girl, what up?"
"Candy girl?"
"That's your new name."
"Why?"
"Cuz you got dem candy kisses," he smiled and I wanted to kiss his fine lips again but I had to shake those emotions and remember that he was a dog, a cute one, but still a dog.
"Well I hoped you like them because you ain't never ever gonna get another one," I said trying to sound tough because I knew Brittany and others were watching us. I really wanted to just forget about that note and stay with him, but then I would look like a fool so I had to forget about my feelings and think about what I deserved.
"What is wrong with you," he asked in complete shock because he did not see this coming.
"What's our anniversary date?"
"9/25/09."
"You wrote a note to Tasha on 9/27/09, telling her she was your love and you wanted her to wait for you?"
My words caught him by surprise and he looked shocked. He sat there for a few minutes probably recalling the note and then he spoke.
"I can explain it."
"I don't even wanna hear it. Everyone told me you were no good and would dog me out. I didn't believe them because I thought we had something real. But now I know they were right."
"Babe, please walk with me and let's go talk somewhere, I can explain this all."
"Goodbye Ricky, don't call me or nothing. I'm done with you. Now Tasha can have you back, you guys can pick up where you left off. Tell her thanks for the note," I said because I wanted him to be mad at her. She was watching us the whole time so I knew she thought she scored a touchdown with that note but he headed straight over to her and yelled at her.
"Leave me alone you scandalous and sick girl. I don't want you back, and I ain't never getting back with you. I told you that it was over the day after I gave you the note."
The whole hallway heard him yelling at her including myself. But it didn't change the facts.
The rest of the day was a blur because my mind and my friends were telling me to move on and forget about him, but my heart longed for him. I felt sorry for him when he passed by me on his way to his period. He's eyes were red and it was obvious that he had been crying. Every girl is weakness for a tear or two and I'm no exception. My phone was blowing up in my last class and I knew it was Ricky so I turned it on silent and it took every ounce of will power not to return his texts.
When the bell finally rang, I grabbed my back pack and headed towards my car. Several people tried to stop me but only one got my attention, Ricky's friend, John.
"Hey Alexis, let me holla at you for a minute," he asked.
"I gotta get home, what's up," I said as I headed towards him.
"I heard what happened."
"And?"
"He doesn't wanna be with her, he only wants you."
"That's good."
"Oh now you gonna act like you don't care?"
"My feelings don't mean anything right now, it's all about what I deserve."
"You are trippin over something small. You gonna just trash the relationship over his jealous ex?"
"No, my number one rule is honesty and there are no second chances with that one!"
"Dang girl, you are a tough one."
"No, I have boundaries unlike most of these girls around here that find out their man is cheating on them and they get back with them an hour later."
"But, Ricky ain't a cheater."
"John, please don't play me. He's been playing girls since middle school and you know it."
"Well he didn't cheat on you."
"No, he just asked me to be his gf then two days later he wrote his ex a love letter. Sounds like cheating potential and I'm not a gambler."
"Okay, look at him over there," he pointed towards my car where Ricky was looking all sad. He was obviously waiting to talk to me.
"I'm the one who should be sad. I trusted him in spite of all my friends telling me not to. I kissed him which is more than I usually give to a guy. All of that to find out he's no good. I'm the sad one; he's just the one who got caught."
"Just give him another chance. You guys were cute together and I've never seen him sprung like that."
"Nope, I'm not gonna be one of them stupid girls who follow their feelings instead of common sense."
"So your feelings want him back?"
"Yep, but my common sense is the ruler."
"Okay then, since you and him are done, can I start texting you?"
"Bye, John!"
"Wait, I have to tell you something."
"Bye, John, you have said enough."
I walked away and headed towards my car but of course was stopped by Ricky.
"Babe, please let's talk."
"Nothing to talk about."
"I don't want Tasha back."
"That's not what the letter said."
"The day after I wrote it, I told her on the phone that it was a mistake and that I was committed to you."
"So what, I told you when you asked me out that honesty is most important. I also asked you if you still had feelings for Tasha and you said no, none."
"I don't."
"Well you did because two days later you wrote that letter. So stop lying."
"I'm sorry, I made a mistake. Can we please start over?"
"Ricky, as much as I would love to be with you, I can't."
"Please, I'll do anything to prove that I only love you," he said and I acted like I wasn't fazed by the "love" word.
"No, I'm sorry. I don't want to get back with you because I can't be with someone I can't trust."
"You can trust me. I promise I will never give you a reason to doubt me again. Please Lex, don't end it. I'm really feeling you and I don't know what I will do without you."
"Sorry but I have to get home now. Please don't contact me. I'm moving on and you should too." I got in my car and locked the door. He dropped to the ground and sat down looking pitiful. His eyes were glued on me and I felt so sorry for him but what I deserved was more important that my feelings, is what I kept telling myself. But I wanted to stop my car, run up to him, and hug him for the rest of the day. I hated seeing the sadness in his eyes.
Instead of driving home, I went to Coldstones and ordered a large shake. Ice cream was always a comforter for me. I sat in the place, sipping away trying to sort through my feelings. While there, my aunt, Candace came in and looked a little surprised to see me.
"Girl, what are you doing here all by yourself?"
"Drinking a shake," I said trying to sound normal.
"Oh no, something must be going down."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, everyone in the family knows that when Lex is mad, she eats ice cream. So tell me, who made you mad."
"No one."
"Liar."
"Okay, a boy."
"Oh, what boy?"
"This guy at my school."
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"No," I said because technically we broke up and I didn't want her calling my mom who was her sister.
"Liar."
"Is that your favorite word today or what?"
"No, I just know you and some boy got your head all messed up so he must be a boyfriend. You can tell me, I won't tell my sis."
I made her promise not to and then I told her what happened. She laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Young girls, your friends warned you. He had a reputation with girls and you ignored all of it. So I have one question for you?"
"What?"
"Why are you acting all surprised that he is a dog?"
"Cause I thought what we had was different."
"That's so typical. You need to pick your head up and move forward. Just be glad that you didn't find out a year later that he wasn't any good."
"You're right. I'll shake this off."
"One more piece of advice for you."
"Okay, what?"
"The next time you chose a guy, make sure your parents meet him because they may see something that you don't see. If your mom met him then you could go to her for advice but now you have to suffer alone."
"Okay, thanks auntie," I said and we both headed out the store and to our cars. Although she was right I still felt sad, especially since my cell phone had about twenty messages from Ricky asking for my forgiveness.
As soon as I put my keys in the ignition my phone vibrated and it was a private number. I answered it.
"Hello."
"Alexis, this is Tasha."
"How did you get my number?"
"That's not important."
"Why are you calling me? You can have your man back. I don't want him."
"I'm calling you because I don't appreciate that you told him that I gave you the letter. Now he's all mad at me."
"Whatever, then you shouldn't have given it to me!"
"I'm just gonna give you one good warning, if you get back with him, it's on between me and you!"
"Tasha, you better not ever call me and threaten me again. Didn't you hear him in the hall today, he don't want you! That letter, he said was a mistake and he told you the next day. I heard him yelling at you in the hall. He wants me and since you gave me that letter and he thinks he lost me, all that did was make him love me more."
"He don't love you and if he did, he would have never written that letter in the first place."
"That not what he's been telling me all day."
"Okay Alexis, you think your special but just remember, when your with him, he's thinking about me."
"Well, he's calling on my other line now so I gotta go, so I can tell him that we can get back together. Have a good day," I said with a smirk on my face before disconnecting her. I was certain that she was furious and would be mad dogging me at school tomorrow but my pride just couldn't let her believe that she was capable of breaking us up.
"Hello," I said as if I didn't know it was Ricky on the phone.
"Alexis, please hear me out."
"Ricky, there is nothing to say. I'm not interested in you anymore because you are not who I thought you were."
"But I am so sorry and I am a good person. Please don't think that your friends were right about me."
"They were."
"I admit that I have done some terrible things to other girls and have been a cheater before. But with you, I wanted to be different because what we have is different. I really love you and I can't lose you."
"It's too late. I am different because unlike Tasha who wants you no matter what you do or who you do it with, I'm not that kind and I told you that up front. There are no second chances when it comes to cheating."
"I didn't cheat on you."
"No not officially, but you tried to keep Tasha on the side. You didn't want her to be with anybody but you were with me. What a jerk!"
"I knew it was stupid that's why the next day I told her that she could move on and the letter was wrong."
"You should have thought about that before you wrote it. You should have never asked me to be your girlfriend if you still had feelings for her. I thought she was a jealous ex but now I know that you led her on so that's why she hated me. She thinks I stole you from her."
"I know and it's all my fault. Please let me make this up to you."
"No, I'm serious, I'm moving on and so should you. Also, I'm not going to the homecoming dance with you so you can tell your mom that she can stop making my dress or give it to Tasha."
"Please, my mom already finished it so let's just go and then we can say goodbye."
"Are you crazy?"
"Yes, crazy in love with you."
"Well I'm not going and I'm sure your mom is going to be very upset."
"Please go, that can be our last time together. You know I'm going to win homecoming king, my mom already made the dress. She's been up until like two in the morning and she's so proud of it. I can't tell her that you're not going. She actually wanted you to come over tomorrow to try it on. What should I tell her?"
"I'll come by and try on the dress. I'll even take it but I'm not going to the dance with you. She doesn't have to know that we didn't go together."
"My mom has called all our family. They are all supposed to come over to see us off to the dance. You know my mom does everything big. She's been acting like this is prom or something. I know you probably hate me but please don't let my mom down. I have to live with her. Please Alexis, I promise this can be our last time together."
"I will come over after school tomorrow to try on the dress but I ain't making you no promises. I have to go now."
"Alright, I'm sorry and I hope that you change your mind because I love you girl. You are always gonna have my heart."
"Bye Ricky," I said before ending the call and one minute later he texted me saying, "I ain't gonna let u go grl, I will do anything 2 get u back cuz u got my heart and I don't want it back."
I didn't respond to his text but I did check my twitter account before driving off and noticed that he wrote about ten messages on his account all saying things about me, his messages were:
Worst day of my life
Gonna try 2 talk 2 her afterschool
She's talking 2 John, hopes he can convince her that I am not a player
Feel like crying she just told me that she don't want me back
missing my babigrl Lex
I want her back!
She got my heart.
Will do anything to get her back!
I'm not a player and I hope she knows that!
She won't answer her phone and I feel like punching a wall
It's all my fault
HOMECOMING dance ruined
Wish I go change the past
His messages were continuous and I know that Tasha followed him on twitter so when she reads all of this, she's gonna hate me more. Then when I got home his myspace, aim, and facebook moods were all about me. I felt sorry for him but at the same time I was glad that Tasha could see that she couldn't make him stop liking me. She was evil and I didn't want her to feel any sense of victory.
Next Day
I tried to focus in class but I couldn't because as soon as I drove in the parking lot there was a single red rose on the ground in my parking space at school. I had to get out of my car to pick it up before parking in my space. There was a small not attached saying, "One red rose represents "one love" cuz u r the only one I love, please forgive me…Ricky." I proceeded to park my car and I left the rose in the passenger seat.
While getting my back pack out I saw Ricky walking towards my car and didn't feel like starting my day off with this stuff. I made up my mind completely last night that I wasn't going to get back with him.
"Good morning," he said.
"Hey," I said and started walking towards the school entrance.
"Did you get my flower?"
"Yes, thanks."
"I also got you something else."
I stopped walking, faced him and said, "Look, I told you that I am not getting back with you so please stop trying."
"I know what you said, but I'm not going to stop ever. I love you and I actually bought this gift last week and was planning on giving it to you yesterday but then we broke up. I still want you to have it," he grabbed my hand and placed a Tiffany bracelet in my hand. It was the popular one that the girls around school wore but he had engraved our anniversary date on the heart tag. He walked away from me and I went off towards my class. Usually, I would go to the cafeteria where all my friends hung out but I didn't feel like being bothered with their questions.
I sat down on a bench near my class and had to wipe away the tears that was about to fall out of my eyes. I thought that I would be strong but when I saw his swollen eyes and the sadness that was in them, I felt weak and especially with this bracelet that was so pretty. He knew that I had been begging my mom for one of these bracelets and he got me one. This was a day that made me hate being a teenager, hate boys, and I really wished that I could just leave this school and never come back. This was going to be my worst year and what made it worse was it was my senior year.
The bell rang and I walked into my first period and was surprised when I looked at the white board, it read, I AM SORRY! The teacher noticed it and began to erase it when Ricky came to my desk and whispered those three words in my ear before leaving the room. I wanted to scream because I really needed to focus on the teachers lecture because I needed to get an A on the next AP exam, but all this drama was distracting me. I couldn't understand how I could go from the happiest girl on earth to the saddest one in the school in a matter of minutes.
"Alexis, what is neurotransmitters," my teacher asked because she noticed I was not paying attention.
I politely gave her the correct answer and she left me alone. I was glad that we had shorter classes on this day because it took every ounce of strength I had to focus. Class ended and like a zombie I entered the next one until it was finally time for our fifteen minute break. I wanted to be low key but while heading to my locker the drama started.
"Move out my way!"
"This is public property so quit trippin'"
"I need to get in my locker."
"Oh well, come back later and maybe I won't be here and you can get in your stupid locker."
"You have three seconds to bounce or else."
"Or else what Ms. Ex GF."
I grabbed Tasha by the hair and slung her away from my locker. She regained her balance and was heading towards me when we both saw a teacher come around the corner. I turned around and put my stuff in my locker and she leaned over my ear and said, "Afterschool, it's on between me and you. I will be at your car waiting."
Brittany was heading towards me when she saw Tasha stomping away. "What just happened here?"
"Girl, this mess is getting so far out of control I just want to leave this school forever."
"What happened?"
"She tried to block my locker and act like a freakin bully."
"And?"
"I grabbed her fake ponytail and slung her away from my locker."
"Oh snap, what did she do?"
"A teacher came so she bounced but she said she's gonna fight me afterschool and she'll be waiting for me by my car."
"Oh dang, it's going down."
"No, I'm not getting a suspension on my record for her. I will not be fighting after school."
"You are gonna punk out?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do but I ain't fighting nobody."
"Wow, Ricky has started all of this and here he comes."
I turned around and he could see in my eyes that I was clearly very angry.
"Hey, can we talk," he asked.
"If I wasn't done with you before today, I am really done with you now."
"I said I was sorry."
"Yeah, and it's been nothing but drama today with the love of your life, Tasha."
"I don't love her but what happened."
"She wants to fight me afterschool and I am not jeopardizing my college dreams to fight your girl. Neither one of you are worth any of this."
"I am so sorry Lex, I never wanted all this drama on you. Please let me talk to her and get her off your back."
"Whatever Ricky, if she tries to fight me after school, I promise I will never in my life speak to you again!"
"I can't have that so she will not be touching you."
I walked away and headed to my next class. By the time I walked in my class it had already gotten around that there was going to be a fight afterschool. People were coming to my desk before the final bell rang asking for details. I told them all that there would be no fight because she wasn't worth it.
I just moved all the drama out of my head and focused on my next classes. Time went by faster the more I focused on learning. I had a couple of tests and I think I aced them. I felt good by the time my last class ended. Brittany was waiting outside my class because she was planning on standing by my side as I faced Tasha.
While heading towards to end of the hall a few more of our friends joined us and we headed towards the parking lot. There were a lot of kids who never walk that way going towards my car because they heard about the drama.
"Oh snap, she's right by your car and her earrings are off as well as her fake pony tail. That girl straight out has a bandana over her head looking like a gangster," Brittany said.
"I swear if she hits me I'm going to let her and I will not fight back."
"Heck naw, if you don't I will," my gangster friend, Tanya said.
"No, Tanya, you just got your grades back on track and I will not let you get kicked out for me. As a matter of fact, just stay right here because you never did have any self control."
"Naw naw shorty, I got your back."
I stopped walking and pleaded with her to stay out of it. I didn't want that guilt on my head if I ruined her future. She agreed and I continued my stroll to my car when I saw Ricky running towards me.
"I tried to convince her to leave you alone but she said you started it by throwing here against a locker."
"Whatever, she tried to block my locker so I moved her out the way."
"Don't go over there."
"No, I am about to get in my car and leave."
"I am not going to let her touch you."
"Whatever, maybe if you just get back with her she will leave me alone."
"That's never going to happen," I said as we got within two feet of her.
"You ready" she said in her toughest voice.
"I ain't fighting you so please move away from my car."
"Oh this car, she said as she took a key and keyed my paint job."
Ricky rushed towards her and snatched the key out of her hand. "Leave her alone Tasha, she ain't never done nothing to you. I'm the one you should be mad at."
"She is going to pay for shoving me in the hall today," she said as she rushed past him and charged towards me. I backed up and my friends stood between us to prevent her from fully attacking me. I was so lucky because the Principal was heading towards us with a security guard and he saw her try to attack me.
"What's this about," he asked.
Everyone stood there silently and no one responded to his question.
"You and you come with me," he said to Tasha and me.
We headed to his office, he drilled us for answers but we both pleaded the fifth. He looked us both in the eyes and said, "If I ever see you guys near each other again I will suspend both of you. If you guys fight in this school I will kick you both out and request that you go to continuation school. So if you have any college goals then I suggest you listen to my warning."
"Yes sir," I said while Tasha rolled her eyes and said nothing. We walked out his office and he made us head in different directions while a security officer followed me to my car. I was thankful because I knew that she was crazy enough to try to get me.
Most of the students had left the scene but Ricky was sitting on my car waiting for me.
"Ricky, get away from my car," I said once the security officer left.
"I know you hate me right now and I've caused way too much drama for you but my mom is waiting for you to try on the dress."
"Forget that stupid dress and the dance."
"I wish I could because I know you don't want nothing to do with me anymore but my mom has worked so hard on this. She never went to any dances so she's kinda living her past through me with this dance."
I didn't even hear a word that he said, I just got in my car and started crying. He bent down at my window and begged for my forgiveness.
"I am so sorry Lex, I have ruined your senior year, I wish I could rewind time and make this right. I deserve this because I've been a dog my whole life then I finally found a girl that made me want to be right and I messed it all up. Seriously, I promise to leave you alone after the dance I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"I'm not going to the dance."
"Lex, my mom took off work early so you can come over after school to try on the dress. Please try to forget about the drama and come try one the dress."
"Okay, fine."
"Can I get a ride to my house please?"
I looked at him and he felt weak because he looked so beat down by all of this. "Whatever Ricky, get in my car."
"Thanks," I started my car and I couldn't believe what song was on the radio, "Break Up" by Mario. It lightened the mood and we both laughed until I saw Tasha standing at a stop sign as I drove past. She gave me the evil eye but I just shook it off.
"Man, I wish I would have never gone out with her."
"Yeah, I wish you didn't either."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"What?"
"Do you believe that I am really sorry?"
"Yes, but it doesn't change the fact that you lied about your feelings for her."
"I know, I just needed to know that you believed me because I am. I will do anything to get you back. Please give me another chance."
"I can't."
"Yes you can."
I pulled next to a curb and stopped my car. I moved my body to face him and said, "Ricky, I am not going to your house if you keep this up. It's over between us and I'm not getting back with you so please stop this talk."
He lowered his head and I could see the pain on his face. He took a few minutes before he lifted his face towards me. When he began to speak his eyes started swelling up with tears. He took a deep breath, wiped the falling tears, bit his bottom lip, and said, "Please, I need you in my life. I literally haven't slept since we broke up. I keep replaying my actions and I hate myself for what I've done to you. PLEASE give me another chance."
I had to turn away from him because my heart was burning for him and when he bit his bottom lip those dimples screamed my name. I wanted to just hug and kiss him like never before. It took me a few minutes before I could respond. On one side I wanted him but my common sense was screaming at me to stay strong. Instead of responding I just started my car and was about to put the car in drive when he put his hand over mine to stop me.
"Alexis, please don't drive yet."
"Your mom is waiting for me."
He grabbed his phone and sent her a text, "We r running late, b home n about fifteen minutes." He showed me the text and said we have time to talk now.
I just wanted to get out of my car and run. Run from my feelings, run from his dimples, run from the love that was trying to trap me like a spider traps a fly in his web. He still had his hand on mine and he gently moved my hand away from the gear. "Just talk to me for a minute."
I looked down, squeezed eyes closed to prevent the tears. I was tormented inside and I rested my head against my steering wheel as I tried to regain focus. He started to rub my back and when he started to run his hand through the back of my hair, tingles filled my body, I was frozen. I slowly lifted me head up and he reached over with his hand so he could turn my face towards his.
Tears filled my eyes and I felt trapped in my emotions. "I can't do this with you. The last 24 hours have been hell for me. I don't need this, I'm trying to finish my last year strong. I can't focus on homework, class work, and this mess is destroying me."
He listened to me and without speaking his eyes said a thousand words. I knew he was sorry but none of that changed the facts. He was a not trustworthy and just when I gathered enough mental strength to tell him that I was not changing my mind, he leaned over and kissed me. As bad as I wanted to push him away I couldn't. His kiss was so passionate and it felt as if he were pleading with me to stay with him. I tried to back up but he wouldn't let me. He put his hand behind my head and kissed me as if this was our last time connecting like this. I honestly got lost in his kiss and all the tension that I had began to loosen up and I returned the love. Time seemed to stop and we were once again together. I was a virgin and this could have been the day that I lost it but the strength began to return and I forced myself to break free from his spell.
"Please stop," I begged but he ignored my plea and kissed me again. It started with several pecks until I wanted to beg him for the whole kiss. Teenage hormones took over and I didn't even notice when his hands starting roaming my body. I wanted him right there in this residential area, all my walls were coming down like the destruction of the ones in Berlin. When his hand went up my shirt, I pulled away.
"Seriously, we have to stop."
"Why, this feels so perfect."
"Ricky, this doesn't change anything. Your mom is waiting for us and this was a mistake."
"No it wasn't, we are meant to be together."
"I had a weak moment but it's time to get back to reality. Please don't say another word, I'm already confused enough," I said as I straightened myself up and started my car again to begin the journey to his house. He obeyed my request and we drove in silence but it seemed like every song that came on was about relationships.
"Did you tell your mom about us and the drama?"
"No."
"Okay good," I said as I pulled in his driveway. His mother looked out the window with a big smile on her face. As we were exiting the car she opened the front door.
"Hello Ms. Ward."
"Hello Alexis, I hope you like the dress as much as I do."
"I'm sure I will, Ricky told me how much time and love that you put into making it. I really appreciate it."
"It was my pleasure. You know I wasn't very pretty when I was in high school so I never got to go to dances so this means a lot to me that my son is going."
"But you're so pretty now I can't imagine that you weren't pretty in high school."
"Thank you sweetie, come upstairs to my room so you can try the dress on. Ricky you stay down here and she'll be down shortly to model for you."
"Can't wait, but I know she's gonna look beautiful as usual," he said as he winked at me.
"Thanks," I said but I didn't return the wink.
When I entered her room and saw the dress lying on her bed I was amazed. It was gold and was beyond what I expected. I lifted it up, examined it, and turned around and gave her a big hug. "Thank you, it's perfect."
"Slow down, first try it on before you make your final decision."
I forgot all about the fact that I didn't want to go the dance and I hurried my clothes off and put the dress on. It fit me perfectly, I looked at myself from all angles in her mirror and I couldn't find one flaw in the fitting.
"It's a fit!"
"Wait sit down, let me just pin your hair up before you show Ricky."
I agreed and she pulled out a few clips and within minutes I looked like I could go the dance. She even pulled out a curling iron gave me two long curls in the front while she loosely pinned the back up. She ordered me to put my lip gloss on before I headed downstairs.
"Okay Ricky, here comes your queen," she yelled.
He was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when I started to walk down. He looked stunned as I got closer and then his face lit up with a smile and his dimples were in full effect. "You look like so beautiful. Thanks mom, you did a great job."
We both said thank you and his mom ordered me to model it so I turned around so he could see it from all angles.
"Do you like it?"
"Heck naw, I love it. You are going to be the hottest girl with the hottest dress!"
"Thanks."
"I'm sending her to Tomiko to get her hair done and she must get French tip nails and toes," his mother proclaimed.
I thanked her a million times and she loved every minute of it. He was right; I couldn't let his mother down. It would have broken her heart if I would have cancelled. So I was glad that I tried the dress on but I regretted the time we spent together in my car. When I left he walked me to my car and I told him that I would text him later because I needed him to understand that I was sorry for sending a mixed signal to him earlier because I truly had no intentions on ever going there again with him.
My life was spinning way out of control and I knew I had one stop to make before I started another day. I promised myself that I would re-focus with God so I could get a better handle on the situations with Tasha, Ricky, and the temptations that I faced with both of them. I realized that my guards were down because I slacked off on my prayer and study life. I said a silent prayer for forgiveness before I drove home and I felt a glimmer of peace for doing that.
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